Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Another new year is creeping up and I am sick of feeling like I have not reached enough milestones to really celebrate it. I keep thinking that the life I am creating for myself isn't enough. Is time running out?

Monday, November 2, 2009

Ugh!! Non starter!

Bizarre, immature, weird, inconsistent, hot/cold and still so freaking intriguing.
You only act like you're sensitive and dark and deep. *pffbt*

Honestly speakin, you're a total jerk on paper.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Careless whisper

I've been told I startle the people I meet and then they give me a quizzicle look at first.Then something magical happens, a little pep in the step, a little glide in the stride....and BOOM! inside I feel a stab of guilt thinking, Jeez,I only gave him the usual whisper.

Why should I always be careful? Even I feel the need to smile.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

WTF moment


I used to take pride in the thought that I may be the last true romantic, and i'm in a WTF moment right now.So, the adventure has brought me to the strangest of situations....What the hell was I thinking?I probably wasn't,i'm sure.No surprise.Feeling would be the appropriate word there I guess.

I need to grow up urgently.Perhaps if I give it time,I finally will someday.But how much time?And then again, perhaps I am not looking for that.It's not always easy living a life constantly tossed beween desire, longing,love, trust.All of these seem to encompass what life is all about in a very crude way.

Well, for now I just want to stop seeing paradise from other's eye.
Maybe I should stop analogy now.I know I'm not making sense.

But who cares? This blog is for me.

Sunday, September 27, 2009


I'm tired of people assuming relationships in my life.I have a big problem! Now the only thing I can deduct from this is that I must be very popular or something.They keep asking me about the guys,"Oh, and what about him? You guys would make a great couple." I can't believe people actually call me up to find out if I'm dating anybody.Oh yes, my dear people, oh yes! Dating and marriage [for me], it is inevitable! It is coming...soon or not, God knows!I'm so tired of people assuming things about people and relationships in my life. I give a firm nod and smile to those who have the guts to ask me if I like someone. Please talk to me rather than talking about me.I DESPISE MATCHMAKNG. Sure it's cute to see couples hook up and fun to get involved, BUT I'm totally not goin' to screw up my life.

Fuck off!

Monday, September 21, 2009

The summer seemed to fly by.

I am tired and it is late, but it seems this is when my blogging takes place.

It's amazing how quickly time flies.Although the last couple of months have been somewhat discouraging and heartbreaking professionally, they have also served as a season of change, hope, and renewal. The time that I spent purging what needed to be released from my non rewarding life.It’s as if the old had passed and the new will come.When decisions that alter the course of your regular life have to be made, damn it causes such a rift in your soul.

My life has obviously not been very regular lately though I have enjoyed some extra rest.And I realise it will not last too long and will wish for days like this shortly after I start a job again.And I'm half happy and half sad about the coming of festivals.

As a child,I was certain that every year Goddess Durga visited the earth this season.It's crazy how beliefs change with time.Although I must say, I am of the belief that God is just and excuse for people to boost their faith and keep going.I used to love September for it's mystical style of festival frolic until it decided to spook me with the ugliness of death,loss, pain and separation.I still can't believe Rohan is dead.I still don't know how dad's face must have looked when he shut his eyes permanently.I will never be able to enjoy Diwali in my life again.It will always remind me of how death shut all the lights in our house and left grief.Glimpse of ugliness in my early adulthood.STOP!

Anyway,I was at Barista after so many days today with Abha and Sudeep...sharing life.I want to be there for friends although I seem to have no control over my expression...some things just come out like WORD VOMIT.Love sucks!Doubly so when carrying others' burden.I am glad that I'm seen as a "friend". But at the same time I feel so removed; I'm not sure how to get close so that I can make a difference.

Does everything in life require analyzing, balance, and best effort??

I guess I need to calm down. lol.
Oh, how I love the smell of coffee.


Wednesday, September 16, 2009


Life is not always HaHaHeeHee! I was sick and I am sick of being sick.My fragile body picked up cold and fever in the rain and the next few days was awful.I had lost my appetite,could not take anything beyond three bites, my taste bud wasn't functional and I suffered nausea.I mostly stayed curled up in bed.I think my recurring illness is tied in with lack of sunlight.Such poor sick record.I feel like death.I'm only 27.
I'm tired.I can't type.Pathetic entry I know.
I'll come back later. :)

Saturday, September 5, 2009


It's funny how life works.I've spent the past few months trying to deal with the past year, trying to understand.Well, without even realizing it, I get kicked in the butt and project me to a new direction.I do not desire anything today.

My last night in JNU campus spent in the company of four wonderful friends. Momos, laughs ,paranthas, tea ,joy, curiosity.Funny how things come together in life,opposites mix and somehow life goes on.Dreams put into words,hope against all odds.It was one of the most beautiful nights in many years,the kind that will last forever.Things just kicked in.The sky was open and the moon charming as ever. Cheesy right ? I could feel the smell of fresh grass on my feet.I have missed it's smell and the wide sky which seemed like it was closer than it's ever been and above all my friends...ever so human,their humble smile and that cheer that drips from their soul , in a peculiar tangible aura.I call that peace and LIFE.Years have passed by now ,years that I somehow failed to notice.It seemed like the place had made an appearance of it own away from a far away world.JNU radiates with warm smiles and laughter,humble, beautiful,human.Students dressed in all colors of the world busting with energy.

I discovered yesterday how much I missed the world.The illusion of the absence of God and love forgotten.

Enough said for now.Will come back later. :)

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Reebooting Myself---

Here I go again. I know I know I have been slacking in this blogspot area and simply not posting any insightful and meaningful blogs.I'm a little paranoid about this blog going up in my Great Driving Challenge Application link cause that somehow feels like intrusion of my little bitching space.But this whole Driving madness had been keeping me busy and thanks to the voting requirements, I at least reached up to people who I had been ignoring for years. It's great. I don't know if I will make it to the top of the contest but my participation does make me feel like a non lazy and non frumping lady in her young twenties. Heh !

I really wish I could say I am totally overwhelmed with life and that I have so much on my plate that I have shut down mentally.But honestly , life's easy right now.It took me a lot of courage to give up four and half years of my committment to work.Life had been a rat race and I want slow down a bit...relax and reboot MYSELF.It's not always easy sprinting around knowingly.Maybe this whole decision was my attempt to reward myself for all the crap that I have gone through or maybe it is just I have finally become "settled".My association with Wipro was like social suicide and I hope after this I can enjoy the good things in life more efficiently.

And this Great Driving Challenge could be my first attempt of reebooting after all that rigorous clicks and beeps at my workplace.It's gonna be so much fun driving to new places , capturing moments and slowing down a bit to indulge in the best things of life.I do not have enough votes though to confidently look forward. But HOPE is the key right ? :)

So , check out for this space in a couple of days. Will update what's goin' on.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Check out The Great Driving Challenge !!

Hi I am inviting you to become a fan on the application page and cast your vote in support. You can visit my application page by clicking on this link here. Cast your vote and also become a fan. Organizers Mitsubishi Cedia Sports The Great Driving Challenge Powered by Zigwheels. PS. If you have any problems casting your vote or signing up as a fan, just drop us an email to

Saturday, June 6, 2009

My Home burns...

N.C. Hills has launched a strategy relying on fear mongering ,ethnic division and hate.The result is people saying - "Kill him"," terrorist","traitor" ! and more at rallies, with the government playing dumb in response.It's outrageous. and it must stop.

We have failed to show that together Indians of all tribes are standing for this.As we stand into the nitty gritty and ugly days of ethnic clash in the North Cachar Hills district ,it is frightening for every child of our land to see how the wisps of barbaric killing has affected life.N.C. Hills four decades ago was a place which everyone had loved to see but now we hedge on going there for the fear of losing our own life.I have concerns for the safety of my loved ones back home in the hills.

Going to the deepest core of the haven of our childhood shelter, I am hearing things that make my heart ache as a Dimasa.Things that bring out my own fear for my family as someone which is far from lily white.It upsets me that so many people have no job , cannot afford food ,have lost their children to a needless conflict , can't afford healthcare , can't pay for education, have lost their home...all in order to say - This land belongs to "ME".

The fanatic patriots of our own land have instilled fear in crowds.You are not only spreading what you know is right ( which is actually wrong); you are choosing hatred to win unjustly and is therefore not running in integrity.The mothers , fathers and all widows need to take great care in realising just what it is you are sewing the seeds of in our own land- nothing but terror , fear and loss.I want to ask the fanatics-Do you really know what it is you sew ? Do you consider in quiet times of yourself when you are deep in thoughts what it is yo are sewing , just how much of this fight is humanity vs brotherhood?

My family on all sides has worked for every person in the neighborhood to be treated fairly.Let's not go back 40 years.Do not take away our dreams and the dreams of our children simply due to the difference in mother tongue or that we do not believe in the same kind of God.

And , here's for the elite government- Shame on you ! Shame on you! My daily hope is now that we can look to our future as one people, and will choose a leader who sees us as ONE people......NOT as Baruahs,Thaosens,Raltes,Sharmas.We are a diverse culture and need to be respected and honoured as such in order to get the best from each and every last one of us.Respecting and honouring all of us, leaving none of us out or behind.

That's all I can ask for.Peace !

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Eiding naure pung nau ray (2)
Maya ra, maya ra , saklong pubi Mayara

- Anthem of Ulubari

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Fighting exhaustion

Long time ! I don't want my blog to die the slow lingering death of not being kept up.I can say I've been busy with work.That's true.I've been so exhausted by the end of the day that my fingers would not type in complete sentences.That's true too.What adjustments we are making in this failing economy.Change is never easy.Things do get worse before thay get better.Like Little Bailey in the Traveling Sisterhood movie says , it's all about stringing all the things together and making those count more than the bad ones.And finally , getting through it. That's all we can ask for.

Deeper though, I've just not been feeling like sharing my life much. I never started this blog to get comments or links or hits. I have not added advertisements or causes. I don't even have a central theme or cause as a focus.I need some time to rethink this blog and what it means to me, what is does for me.

I quit coffee. Doctor says if I continue caffeine and nicotine intake my style,I'd die young.My pulse rate was so high that my blood had trouble finding way to my brain.I didn't know I was anemic.My thyroid number was so bad.Only my liver and kidney function was good.Haha !But I was happy to be told that I'm not in my worst situation yet.Just have to take care of myself.I am quite functional.I'm not irritable, or weepy, or short temptered these days(at least I don't think I am! ;-)). I sleep well and wake up well... I just get tired.

I didn't mean to write about the tangles of pain and my illness and addiction combined with extreme work race or my broken heart debilitating me or about my life which seem to have blown away in the wind after my father died, and my attempt to come back.It's a pathetic case of blogger identity crisis.I write so naked that I sometimes feel somewhat inhibited.

Well, I had time to scribble all this out because my body is in a state of confusion after my transition to Eastern Time from Indian after all that rigorous training at Verizon.And now ,they have finally assigned me a wonderful team.In my previous Geek Squad I was so used to working/teaming up with ugly nerds that I feel quite enchanted here in my VOL.

Uh-oh.. I think I hear the kabari man, better make sure I shut down before he terrifies me with his voice skills.

Juthai drom the Dimajik !

Sunday, March 15, 2009

When life hits me on the face..

It is odd how smelling certain things can invoke particular thoughts, emotions, and memories. While at times it is positive, these thoughts can be very unexpected and somewhat unwanted. Needless to say, I cannot imagine where some things originate! Since they appear, the desire to solve them arises, but not knowing where they are from and why they come makes it difficult.I assume that EVERYTHING happens because God purposely caused it and he is still testing to see how miserable HE can make me.

And that marks the end of my terrible weekend.I was so stuck.But I don't wanna be mad...I wanna get laid :|

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Fuzzy Brain

So, I feel inspired–inspired to blog about how I am inspired about nothing.
You see, I go to write some amazing in my post and then I sit down and BAM!
My brain goes to fuzz and all my inspiration flies out the window.

I made it home yesterday exhausted physically and mentally/emotionally.I crashed into my bed and was so shocked to wake up 10 hours later when there was merely 1 hour left of Saturday.And then I cooked meal with Mini and argued with somebody online for being so pathetically self absorbed and the next thing I realised is that I slept yet again with my lights and computer turned on.That makes a total of 17 hours sleep per day.

I knew I was tired but I didn't know I was THAT tired.LOL !Life's just insanely odd sometimes.

Mini has been busy packing.And the more I see her , the more mushy I feel.We are left with less than 24 hours before she takes her flight.And I've had these kinda fragile feelings before when I was in college hostel.Off late I've been more consciously thankful for my friends.I have some wonderful ones and maybe the best! Laughing , crying,talking,smiling, sharing, being extremely retarded, goin' odd places at odd hours of the day.I want to thank all my friends for sharing my life.

That reminds me I have to share my time with Aasif ,Vikas, Raj and Mini today in bits.Though it's kinda painful when you have to plan your day in slots it's a great feeling when people want to spend their time with you.

Jeez ! I don't want my blog to sound like a minute to minute commentary of everyday but since I have already typed them and I'm too lazy to use the backspace I might as well share the blah with the world.LOL ! do enjoy and leave me comments if you are reading this.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Time does Fly

This is an important blog.YES ! And I will spare the reasons and excuses for not updating my blog.I am no more the old NT that I used to be.Actually I am suffering from a serious case of expression blockade.There is sufficient amount of thoughts, events and feelings to discuss,but I can't seem to form them into a coherent post.Actually, Madd dutifully reminded me that I haven't been posting anything here.I love his blog.Though I don't see much happening there either.

The past week was much blogging moment but right now my mind is turning to mash to enter the details.It seems as if I have been hit from every side so far this year and to be honest it is difficult.I am unable to deal with night shifts and cannot stay up past midnight,even those coffees aren't helping.Actually, I don't even crave for coffee and cigarette anymore and even if I try them for the heck of it....I don't really enjoy the taste like I did before.It's driving me crazy.I am trying to be in control of my circumstances.Sometimes it feels like I am in the bottom of a barrell and looking up hoping that dad will reach down to pull me up.Saturday is Rest Day from the grinding and tedious schedules that I am forced to keep.

My life is currently full of work and friends.Work.Really isn't so hard.I love the Verizon team and I hope this quarter is light.Lots has happened and I even have the pictures of Sudeep's birthday,Poets Day and all.I've been dangling in the church with Abha and met my SD friends;and jamming with Marc etc.Mini is moving back home.She's been my friend since I can recall time.And it's strange I talk more about Abha and other friends instead of Pinky or Mini or Kimshain.

Just to let you know I consider you one of my closest friends. You were there for me when I needed you and in return I was there when you needed me. I will miss talking to you, eating with you, cooking together, and our random town gossips . I especially will miss you as my room mate ;)I know that change takes place in everyone's life and although I do not like it, I am learning to adjust. I know that there were times that I never told you how much I cherished our friendship but I truly do. I know that we will still see each other and do things together but for now I will miss you my sister.

So I have a goal that I'm trying to reach. The goal might be stretching myself, but I'm determined to get it done. Now lets just see if I do. Recently I've been reminding myself that I CAN do it.Also spring is here.I love spring for all the brightness and sun it brings.The only thing I will miss is not having dad in my proximity to wish him another year.

I guess that's all for now.And pardon me for saying in the beginning that this was goin' to be an important blog.Actually, I still suck in many areas.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

L2 Heal

Year 2009 is upon us and it's now time to get more busy.I want to just live.Time is always on my mind and I do realise that it's not good to not do anything for too long. So I've decided that I will stay with Wipro and renew my Techie skills.I cannot risk my profile while I see so many ass on fire all over the world.So that is good.On the down side I'll have to part with my old team and train for a US based ISP which isn't so exciting.I'm hoping a lot, that this quarter will bring a fresh change of not being so weigh'd down maybe my IJP fulfilled.

I intend to spend more time troubleshooting because when I look at myself it is still me.I am not great.And no matter how many quarters pass by and how many great appraisals happen it is just underwhelming.At AOL perhaps I grew chilled and relaxed.Maybe Verizon could be my radical change.I don't now how things will turn out but being the crazy me, m expecting stress too.

I've worked with some really talented people in L2.I will miss teaming up with them and working all night for resolutions, rep SAT and data.

I guess that's all for now.In this world where there are only a couple of things that you could call your own and you can be really sure of...just parting with your regular associates can be annoying...even if they are just one floor apart.

Out for now.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009


OMG ! February is almost here...which means VALENTINES DAY.Aaargghh !No actually,this Valentines there will be no whining and crying over being dateless.(like it ever happens :P)I will just grab my friends , click glasses , pour some alcohol and party like there's no tomorrow.Who cares if you are single ? You are all the lover you need. Eh?

Relationsip levels are anyway getting more and more complicated in today's weird world.People talk about no strings,covenience relationships :O WTF !And the cost of actual dating is sky rocketing too and if you ask me love and relationship is the most stressful things in life.SERIOUSLY !

We say it is already too bad that we click the SINGLE option while creating an online profile in Facebook or Orkut.LOL! But frankly speaking to be faced with the reality of not being single outside the confinement of cyberspace is a bit too much to handle.Thank God we are all singletons in our immediate friend circle.Afterall we have all had our share of stress and trouble and the highs and lows that love brought us.DUH!But inspite all that we all feel the crunch in February and want a dose of it, isn't it ?

Okay, we are all mature and cool enough to know a couple of things to do to distract ourselves on that fateful day.And we do know that it's about celebrating love.Your love for friends, your pets , yourself, your boyfriends , girlfriends.ANYTHING ! No discrimination.Just party like a rockstar , drink like a fish...or just spend time with your beloved friends in your favorite hangout and order special coffee.Live the life you love....

But no matter how much I grasp the idea that I don't have to be in a relationship to enjoy Valentine's Day; there will always be that moment off that (awful) 24 hrs when I'll wallow in self pity.I HATE YOU SAM !

This is true Denial stage.I better shut this computer now or my mind will Peter out.

Friday, January 23, 2009

My soul is on SALE - Yeah !

Wow...another post from me. And so soon too! Well, I just had to say that I can finally figure out how Torrent works and I've been downloading movies daily.Little refreshment.I don't mind being home so much.Mini and I have a nice time cooking.

"Mean Girls" was good film, I would give it 9 outta 10. Worth a bitch.But "John Tucker must die" was a waste of time.I found it funny in parts but mostly boring and would only rate it as ok, 5 outta 10.The story was a touch unbelievable as well.I'm also hoping to go see the movie "The sisterhoof of the travelling pants" and "Ten things I hate about you."and will report back on how good the film is when i have.Sutterth, my randomn orkut pal helps me with the download.I just have to name the movie and it's there.Isn't that awesome ?

Sometimes I go way overboard. But then I guess it's because I've been off work and I'm up and down due to the weather outside, feels like things are just changing so much.Happiness is a state of mind though and so I guess i need to go cheer myself up with some comedy.

Silly me!!I will blog again in the near future...

Check this out.It's from Sutterth again :)

Monday, January 19, 2009

Alive and Kicking

Time passes by so fast at the moment for me, I blink and it's Saturday night then blink again and its Tuesday morning. Keeping up with everything when i feel like I'm in slow motion is so hard. I'm trying to be happy but it's been hard and little things like PMS are getting to me.

I want to boot.I've watched films in this time home- Zee TV, HBO,SET MAX (lol) and the one to see for the Indian feel is Main meri patni aur Woh.I didn't know Rajpal Yadav was that great an actor till I saw him here.

I have finally started writing for YouthPad on Ankit's request.At least I am selling something of my work.So I don't mind but off late my thoughts and expressions have been blocked.I've had no imagination or inspiration for making anything and that is soooooooooo unlike me! Also I can't see the point of carrying on with the blogging and the website at the moment as nobody is replying to anything I write. I feel like all the effort I've put into my creations is a waste of time and that nobody appreciates what i do!

Valentines day is oooh so close approaching.Ohh NOOOO !
Anyway that's enough waffle for today.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Winds of Change

I know it's been a bit since I've attempted to blog. I was sweetly reminded by Sudeep that I needed to get with the program. So here I am.

I've had a few changes take place in my life recently.On 29th October my dad passed away.It was anticipated for some time, but it was still hard.I was not with him the day he passed.I remember in September as he lay slowly dying for all those months, I had numerous opportunities to talk with him.I could hardly see for the tears in my eyes as we parted in Guwahati for the last time. (Actually, I'm a little teary right now).I had tried to protect myself from disappointment and disillusionment by keeping my hopes/expectations low. To trust God with abandon was I am still praying for specific guidance in the coming years.And there is not a single day when I don't remember dad.I miss him so much.How empty our house seem without him.Everytime we came into the house we expected to see him and I cried until I thought I would fall sick.Such is life u see.Hmmm!

I will keep this short, as it's late AGAIN!!!! I don't know why I am staying up late when I have to get up at early to meet Aasif in the morning tomorrow! Dumb!!!!Otherwise, I can really ramble online and am VERY easily distracted.I want to have peace in my heart, knowing that I'm doing what God wants for this season of my life. Who knows what tomorrow will hold, but for right now, I'm right where He wants me. That is an awesome feeling, believe me!

And God that is SARCASM for you if you get it.

Down the memory lane…

Down the memory lane I have had beautiful friends around me who were solely responsible for the eidetic memory I have. The memories have be...