I don't like the way they inject needle inside my veins.
I don't like the way they smear gel on my tummy.
I don't like the way I have to lean on machine wearing an ugly gown.
I don't like the way I have to lift my shirt up.
I don't like the way they push my tummy.
I don't like the way they press a lame instrument on my chest.
I don't like the way it deliberately touches my breasts.
I don't like the way they ask me to breathe.

Another new year is creeping up and I am sick of feeling like I have not reached enough milestones to really celebrate it. I keep thinking that the life I am creating for myself isn't enough. Is time running out?

Ugh!! Non starter!

Bizarre, immature, weird, inconsistent, hot/cold and still so freaking intriguing.
You only act like you're sensitive and dark and deep. *pffbt*

Honestly speakin, you're a total jerk on paper.

Careless whisper

I've been told I startle the people I meet and then they give me a quizzicle look at first.Then something magical happens, a little pep in the step, a little glide in the stride....and BOOM! inside I feel a stab of guilt thinking, Jeez,I only gave him the usual whisper.

Why should I always be careful? Even I feel the need to smile.

WTF moment

WTF! WTF!WTF!

I used to take pride in the thought that I may be the last true romantic, and i'm in a WTF moment right now.So, the adventure has brought me to the strangest of situations....What the hell was I thinking?I probably wasn't,i'm sure.No surprise.Feeling would be the appropriate word there I guess.

I need to grow up urgently.Perhaps if I give it time,I finally will someday.But how much time?And then again, perhaps I am not looking for that.It's not always easy living a life constantly tossed beween desire, longing,love, trust.All of these seem to encompass what life is all about in a very crude way.

Well, for now I just want to stop seeing paradise from other's eye.
Maybe I should stop analogy now.I know I'm not making sense.

But who cares? This blog is for me.

MARRIAGE MONGERS

I'm tired of people assuming relationships in my life.I have a big problem! Now the only thing I can deduct from this is that I must be very popular or something.They keep asking me about the guys,"Oh, and what about him? You guys would make a great couple." I can't believe people actually call me up to find out if I'm dating anybody.Oh yes, my dear people, oh yes! Dating and marriage [for me], it is inevitable! It is coming...soon or not, God knows!I'm so tired of people assuming things about people and relationships in my life. I give a firm nod and smile to those who have the guts to ask me if I like someone. Please talk to me rather than talking about me.I DESPISE MATCHMAKNG. Sure it's cute to see couples hook up and fun to get involved, BUT I'm totally not goin' to screw up my life.

Fuck off!

The summer seemed to fly by.

I am tired and it is late, but it seems this is when my blogging takes place.

It's amazing how quickly time flies.Although the last couple of months have been somewhat discouraging and heartbreaking professionally, they have also served as a season of change, hope, and renewal. The time that I spent purging what needed to be released from my non rewarding life.It’s as if the old had passed and the new will come.When decisions that alter the course of your regular life have to be made, damn it causes such a rift in your soul.

My life has obviously not been very regular lately though I have enjoyed some extra rest.And I realise it will not last too long and will wish for days like this shortly after I start a job again.And I'm half happy and half sad about the coming of festivals.

As a child,I was certain that every year Goddess Durga visited the earth this season.It's crazy how beliefs change with time.Although I must say, I am of the belief that God is just and excuse for people to boost their faith and keep going.I used to love September for it's mystical style of festival frolic until it decided to spook me with the ugliness of death,loss, pain and separation.I still can't believe Rohan is dead.I still don't know how dad's face must have looked when he shut his eyes permanently.I will never be able to enjoy Diwali in my life again.It will always remind me of how death shut all the lights in our house and left grief.Glimpse of ugliness in my early adulthood.STOP!

Anyway,I was at Barista after so many days today with Abha and Sudeep...sharing life.I want to be there for friends although I seem to have no control over my expression...some things just come out like WORD VOMIT.Love sucks!Doubly so when carrying others' burden.I am glad that I'm seen as a "friend". But at the same time I feel so removed; I'm not sure how to get close so that I can make a difference.

Does everything in life require analyzing, balance, and best effort??

I guess I need to calm down. lol.
Oh, how I love the smell of coffee.

THE END.