Careless whisper

I've been told I startle the people I meet and then they give me a quizzicle look at first.Then something magical happens, a little pep in the step, a little glide in the stride....and BOOM! inside I feel a stab of guilt thinking, Jeez,I only gave him the usual whisper.

Why should I always be careful? Even I feel the need to smile.

WTF moment

WTF! WTF!WTF!

I used to take pride in the thought that I may be the last true romantic, and i'm in a WTF moment right now.So, the adventure has brought me to the strangest of situations....What the hell was I thinking?I probably wasn't,i'm sure.No surprise.Feeling would be the appropriate word there I guess.

I need to grow up urgently.Perhaps if I give it time,I finally will someday.But how much time?And then again, perhaps I am not looking for that.It's not always easy living a life constantly tossed beween desire, longing,love, trust.All of these seem to encompass what life is all about in a very crude way.

Well, for now I just want to stop seeing paradise from other's eye.
Maybe I should stop analogy now.I know I'm not making sense.

But who cares? This blog is for me.

MARRIAGE MONGERS

I'm tired of people assuming relationships in my life.I have a big problem! Now the only thing I can deduct from this is that I must be very popular or something.They keep asking me about the guys,"Oh, and what about him? You guys would make a great couple." I can't believe people actually call me up to find out if I'm dating anybody.Oh yes, my dear people, oh yes! Dating and marriage [for me], it is inevitable! It is coming...soon or not, God knows!I'm so tired of people assuming things about people and relationships in my life. I give a firm nod and smile to those who have the guts to ask me if I like someone. Please talk to me rather than talking about me.I DESPISE MATCHMAKNG. Sure it's cute to see couples hook up and fun to get involved, BUT I'm totally not goin' to screw up my life.

Fuck off!

The summer seemed to fly by.

I am tired and it is late, but it seems this is when my blogging takes place.

It's amazing how quickly time flies.Although the last couple of months have been somewhat discouraging and heartbreaking professionally, they have also served as a season of change, hope, and renewal. The time that I spent purging what needed to be released from my non rewarding life.It’s as if the old had passed and the new will come.When decisions that alter the course of your regular life have to be made, damn it causes such a rift in your soul.

My life has obviously not been very regular lately though I have enjoyed some extra rest.And I realise it will not last too long and will wish for days like this shortly after I start a job again.And I'm half happy and half sad about the coming of festivals.

As a child,I was certain that every year Goddess Durga visited the earth this season.It's crazy how beliefs change with time.Although I must say, I am of the belief that God is just and excuse for people to boost their faith and keep going.I used to love September for it's mystical style of festival frolic until it decided to spook me with the ugliness of death,loss, pain and separation.I still can't believe Rohan is dead.I still don't know how dad's face must have looked when he shut his eyes permanently.I will never be able to enjoy Diwali in my life again.It will always remind me of how death shut all the lights in our house and left grief.Glimpse of ugliness in my early adulthood.STOP!

Anyway,I was at Barista after so many days today with Abha and Sudeep...sharing life.I want to be there for friends although I seem to have no control over my expression...some things just come out like WORD VOMIT.Love sucks!Doubly so when carrying others' burden.I am glad that I'm seen as a "friend". But at the same time I feel so removed; I'm not sure how to get close so that I can make a difference.

Does everything in life require analyzing, balance, and best effort??

I guess I need to calm down. lol.
Oh, how I love the smell of coffee.

THE END.

FRAGILE

Life is not always HaHaHeeHee! I was sick and I am sick of being sick.My fragile body picked up cold and fever in the rain and the next few days was awful.I had lost my appetite,could not take anything beyond three bites, my taste bud wasn't functional and I suffered nausea.I mostly stayed curled up in bed.I think my recurring illness is tied in with lack of sunlight.Such poor sick record.I feel like death.I'm only 27.
I'm tired.I can't type.Pathetic entry I know.
I'll come back later. :)

THE EARTH IS MY PLANET.

It's funny how life works.I've spent the past few months trying to deal with the past year, trying to understand.Well, without even realizing it, I get kicked in the butt and project me to a new direction.I do not desire anything today.

My last night in JNU campus spent in the company of four wonderful friends. Momos, laughs ,paranthas, tea ,joy, curiosity.Funny how things come together in life,opposites mix and somehow life goes on.Dreams put into words,hope against all odds.It was one of the most beautiful nights in many years,the kind that will last forever.Things just kicked in.The sky was open and the moon charming as ever. Cheesy right ? I could feel the smell of fresh grass on my feet.I have missed it's smell and the wide sky which seemed like it was closer than it's ever been and above all my friends...ever so human,their humble smile and that cheer that drips from their soul , in a peculiar tangible aura.I call that peace and LIFE.Years have passed by now ,years that I somehow failed to notice.It seemed like the place had made an appearance of it own away from a far away world.JNU radiates with warm smiles and laughter,humble, beautiful,human.Students dressed in all colors of the world busting with energy.

I discovered yesterday how much I missed the world.The illusion of the absence of God and love forgotten.

Enough said for now.Will come back later. :)

Reebooting Myself---

Here I go again. I know I know I have been slacking in this blogspot area and simply not posting any insightful and meaningful blogs.I'm a little paranoid about this blog going up in my Great Driving Challenge Application link cause that somehow feels like intrusion of my little bitching space.But this whole Driving madness had been keeping me busy and thanks to the voting requirements, I at least reached up to people who I had been ignoring for years. It's great. I don't know if I will make it to the top of the contest but my participation does make me feel like a non lazy and non frumping lady in her young twenties. Heh !

I really wish I could say I am totally overwhelmed with life and that I have so much on my plate that I have shut down mentally.But honestly , life's easy right now.It took me a lot of courage to give up four and half years of my committment to work.Life had been a rat race and I want slow down a bit...relax and reboot MYSELF.It's not always easy sprinting around knowingly.Maybe this whole decision was my attempt to reward myself for all the crap that I have gone through or maybe it is just I have finally become "settled".My association with Wipro was like social suicide and I hope after this I can enjoy the good things in life more efficiently.

And this Great Driving Challenge could be my first attempt of reebooting after all that rigorous clicks and beeps at my workplace.It's gonna be so much fun driving to new places , capturing moments and slowing down a bit to indulge in the best things of life.I do not have enough votes though to confidently look forward. But HOPE is the key right ? :)

So , check out for this space in a couple of days. Will update what's goin' on.