Monday, March 31, 2008

Amidst all the stormy confrontation of a monkey mind in ten different places at one time I found this old photograph of mine in Chetan's album which he had secretly stored without tellin' me..buddhu !Also while clearing junk from my google i found chat archive of me & beast.And here's few lines which i must cherish.

there she is at a distance
the lady with whom i talk
she is there so full in the light
in the moon, she takes a walk
(thats means ure a night owl)

she listens to me carefully
gawd she has deep ears
but eyes so so small to miss ny shortcomings
i hope she stays for rest of my years

I had been carrying him on my back with me for a long time.My energy, enthusiasm , peace....everything was drained out & by letting him go and forgiving i know i have elevated the quality of my own life.It took me a lot of personal courage gain my spirit and move on with the rest of my life.

Living in a world of broken promises,strings of broken relationships forces me to do some deep thinking about things of the past.Everyone who enters my life has a story to tell, and a lesson to teach giving me opportunities for enlightenment, understanding compassion and courtesy.

Time and again i face the challenge in my own life and I have just discovered i'm not alone in my fear.I wish to truly manifest my human potential and perform my best against the toughest opponent instead of contemplating life's large questions.

@Puneet Dhimman-- You suck ! Fuck U !

Friday, March 28, 2008

I’ve been feeling not so great lately. Anxiety has a grip on my heart.

Sometimes I don’t understand why things have to be the way they are. No-brain choices backfire and inadvertently cause damage & forgiving becomes the only option. And I don’t want any more damage. I feel alone and lost enough as it is and I can’t take any more.

I’m afraid of what the bigger implications of all this mean. I feel like lately my efforts are wasted, and yet, at the same time, like they are not enough. Feeling you slip away is like feeling a part of myself slip away. We’ve always been creepily intertwined like that. The same person in different bodies. I want to know what I’ve done wrong….... absolutely terrified.
After spending the night in the midst of fuckups and panick attack , time seems to have stopped.And I dont think its fair bcos he just spoke for the sake of his " freedom of speech ".After all that time in turmoil, it was decided that my fuckup had really found a bigger problem with one of our systems,and now the wheels are in motion to change things.

I dont understand why things have to be the way they are.No-brain choices can backfire and cause damage.And I dont want anymore damage.I feel lost enough as it is and I can't take it anymore.I feel like lately all my efforts are wasted and yet at the same time, like they are not enough.We've always been creepily interwinked like that.

I wonder ever one of those moments did he not realize he was doin' something completely and utterly retarded.Instead of Holi , he perhaps thought it was Asshole's Day ( but it only applies to losers with fancy American names ).Somebody should have directed him to that link to read the blurb on education or even self development.

I am absolutely terrified.I think he deserves a job well done, really, despite all the trouble caused

Friday, March 21, 2008

Hey everyone,

I don't have much to write about today. So I thought I'd share a screenshot of my scrapbook that I'm slightly obsessed with at the moment.Men are a constant source of fascination for me.Druhin has been sending me weird pics which will be the hit of the neighborhood costume parade.

This is a blog just for .....u know it ! How kewl is that??? Enjoy! :D

Friday, March 14, 2008

Been in the industry too long eh ? thse are the symptoms :P

1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"

2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.

3) U drink more tea or coffee than water.

4) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)

5) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive the call.

6) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.

7) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.

8) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future will be girls in HR.

9) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.

10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.

11) U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.

13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.

14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.

15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.

16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12

17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .

18.)And now u r smiling!!!!

Monday, March 10, 2008

Did that sting a little? It was meant to. The reason I haven't told is not because I am fundamentally lazy and have the ability to finish anything I start on my own terms just because you were not faithful to me.

I expected more from you. Maybe some patience.Now all you do is check my profile on orkut, look at the pictures and then now that you can't get onto scrapbook you'll come here looking for entertainment. I hope when you eventually read this (say October 2008 when you'll hate your job portal ans miss me ) you'll feel dirty.

Its my birthday in a couple of months and instead of "growing up and getting over myself" as suggested, I am just going to accept your apology and will forgive you at a later year when you make it up to me fully or never forgive you and use it as leverage to win every argument we have in the future. That is until you do something worse and I can use that. The metaphor continues....

I am not going to make it easy on you. I don't think I've ever made it easy for you. I want to tell you about all the things we did, about the food and the COFFEE.

And ya.... I don't want to see your tattoo. Do you know it was funny? A temporary tattoo.Once someone came with a drawing like tat and i laughed for ten minutes throughout my smoke.Don't you wish it was permanent ? I'll say this once and in capitals. " IT IS NOT ORIGINAL & PERMANENT. NO ONE WANTS TO SEE IT"

Cop that awful bitch.
This looks like another one of those weeks where every day feels like Friday! So what better way to burn some work time by updating my blog. Well , there hasn't been anything too exciting happening, but I think I finally have enough tidbits gathered together to give a half interesting post.

I have serious concerns as to how I am going to get through today's bulk migration- hence why I am blogging to procrastinate instead of getting stuck into it. Work continues to be pretty good, and I am continuing to improve .I haven't been caught on an audit yet.

In other news- My Super 3 felicitation ceremony wasn't too bad.I am happy I went, because Miss Casual having to go at a corporate meeting and cope with artificial brain is freaking. Everyone was really friendly( there were some great leg pulling going around) and nobody seemed to mind that I spoke less bout company direction.Now I know everyone out there thinks I exude cool, if you need your beer cooled quickly stand near me, I'm that cool.

Also tat IIPM party with Abha.Were we in a good mood? Not particularly. Were we in any type of mood to deal with idiots? Not really. Is patience a virtue I have been naturally blessed with? I think that's a no. :P I sometimes have a bit of trouble coming up with a reflex answer to the question: So, where are you from?........tat poor gal from AP ! I shut her mouth in 2 minutes.

Time to break.I need is my thing. If I can't have my daily coffee I am just stroppy and the day doesn't seem to go well.Also, to fill the gap in my life left by the depressing state of love-shove....i need to talk talk talk.

p.s. Google server crashed before i could post this & i had been offline eversince,whole weekend :O even from orkut :O :X TWO DAYS WITHOUT ORKUT !! OMG :P

So many years have passed since I started this blog and in that time I have matured and encountered so many more life experiences. I am f...