Thursday, January 24, 2008
Its just one of those days. And I'm feeling rather self-indulgent at the moment (and what are blogs really? its self-indulgence) I'm going to bitch about it for sometime.No no...its not bout him ;)I don't even want to look at him anymore, it makes me so sad :(
But yes, I am feeling gloom today. Not in the least because it is windy and chilly as all hell outside, and all I want to do is wrap myself in a blanket and cuddle and feel self-indulgently pathetic and maybe snooze a bit.But I know that allowing myself to be self-indulgent and lie in bed all afternoon will just make me feel, well, genuinely pathetic. I'm hard on myself like that.
So instead I'm going to take my feelings of blah and grump and bitch about life on the internet for a while, because then at least I'll feel productive, like I'm doing something useful or whatever. Expressing myself in words, and what not. Though I doubt anyone who is tricked into reading it will feel that it's worthless. But too bad, this post is for my benefit, not their. So there. Humph.
So yeah, the point is, life is getting me down today. And it's not really just the weather, or the fact that I broke up with Sam, it's that I'm still employed there and I am so goddamn sick of being rejected every quarter. Such a feeling is totally useless, and searching for jobs I want and not finding any just because you are over experienced.
But no more, because enough time has now gone by to allow me ample opportunity to consider all the reasons why I should search for new employer.I remember how I've had a couple of interviews already that have gone really well and that have in the end, gotten me euphemistic. And I'm supposed to be hearing back from TED regarding a possible "next step" sometime in the vicinity of now, and I haven't yet. And I know that's not necessarily a bad sign, but given how frustrated I'm getting with this whole damn process, and how I've been at it for 2 years already, I'm starting to feel pretty apocalyptic about the whole thing.
I don't really expect anyone to be enthralled by this post, but writing it made me feel somewhat better, so I guess that's the point, right? Ok, time to log in to orkut and head for the coffee forum and see if they're ragging any self obsessed retards like it happened last night.It will surely make me feel dandy.
Monday, January 21, 2008
After much consideration I decided to say yes to weekend out-of-town plan & went to see Taj Mahal.. I have to say it was one of the best sites I've seen in a long while. Shah Jahan is brilliant,.He made an extremely high-budget monument.Really great.I wonder if he was a bombast who wanted to flaunt some unique insight, or whether he’s just an idiot lover whose main point was to show off . But I can imagine, it is difficult not to feel bereaved.
Agra is ugly, polluted, noisy, full of garbage, horribly overrun by taxis and beautifully populated by hawkers. But I had the utmost pleasure of spending massive amounts of quality time with cousins , Kimshain & Rajeev. Family time plus lots of rural scenery plus my absurdly complicated camera.At one moment I cursed my luck that I was employed.The day was particularly clean and blue and warm, feeling more April than January.
Alrite ! Blogging from office is wrong...will come back later. :)
Friday, January 18, 2008
My life is supposed to be a fun fascinating, fanciful adventure into the realms of personal development, personal effectiveness and individual happiness. I have captivated an enchanting tale that incorporates the classic tool of transformation from a simple village girl to a delightful philosophy of individual inner joy.
Life is a rat race and I was bounded by norms and losing on potential quality of life. I was educated, I had a mind and I was aware of a high-tech fast changing world. I loved violin, not gun. I loved wine, not blood. If there is anything I would ever give up after food and water it’s my INDIVIDUAL FREEDOM.
When I was growing up, my father said something to me I will never forget,” Live your life in such a way that when you die the world cries”. I didn’t mean to be rebellious but how many lives can I touch? They fire missile across the world, they have lost touch with our humanity and the same way I have lost touch with my purpose and lost sight of the things that matter the most to me. So, don't blame me ya ?
Too many people are spending the best years of their lives stuck in a state of constant worry and fight over land and power. Even I was wasting my mind on thoughts that was not aligned with the person I was. So, I began to search for a balanced, peace-filled existence and simple strategies changed my life.
And that is why I will not dance this winter.But I will sure miss the sweet taste of wine.
Happy Harvesting !! :)
Saturday, January 5, 2008
My thoughts are mush and yet very clear.
My heart was warm and in awe of Winter. The moments of love overflowed allowing tears to fall on dry cheeks. I went to Cafe Coffee Day at Green Park. I admired a boy who was sitting alone and calculating on his laptop. His face was tender and for this moment life slowed. I was having a cup of steaming latte and reading. He sat next to me and asked for the newspaper. His eyes told of his excitement as he hung on every word unspoken.Many times our eyes met with an all knowing warmth. But then, I cannot afford to bear love anymore. It almost hurt.
My cuppa over.