Tuesday, April 2, 2019

So many years have passed since I started this blog and in that time I have matured and encountered so many more life experiences. I am focusing on the basic theory of Wabi-sabi where we focus on finding beauty in the imperfections of life and accepting that everything is constantly changing. The basic work of living, rest and activity are determined by the sun, universe, changing seasons and not consumerism. I lie down when I am tired, eat when I am hungry. I talk to friends and laugh when something is really funny. I pour them a drink and we celebrate accomplishments. I have surrounded myself with people who support my spirit, nurture plants, by people who grow food. There is so much beauty and grace in simple living, creativity and art. I’ve been feeling exceptionally good.  Not that I haven’t had a rough day here or there, but in general, I’m in a good place. And through all the rough times, I have come to realize that happiness is not tied to external circumstances. We’ve all been in that place where things feel difficult to manage, so we resort to quick fixes like alcohol and addictive foods, or find fleeting moments of happiness from impulsive shopping, Tinder chats or dates without truly cultivating a loving experiencing for ourselves, and not caring about what other possibilities might exist.  

I tried recalling my 10 happy moments in the last few years.


1.      Every time Arun gave me a beautiful haircut.
2.      Whenever I saw Zed relish rawhide.
3.      The day Max was adopted in his forever home.
4.      Naveen’s surprise visits. 
5.      That moment when weight machine digits flashed 56 kg as I stood there.
6.      The road trip to Uttarakhand.
7.      Dance party with Owes, Kim and Bhu.
8.      Reconnecting with Manoj
9.      Sudeep’s wedding with Meeta
10.  Discovering Tashi Delek

Swift fleeting moments of happiness.I am grateful for all the days knowing that none of the moments will return besides the rawhide happiness and weight loss. It can be challenging for the mind to shift from melancholic feelings when you think about dead relationships, burnt bridges and lost connections. We’ve stopped talking, dancing and cooking together. And through all the heaviness, we take care of this life we’ve been granted. Perhaps this piece of gloomy reminiscence only makes us more appreciative of the simple experiences and involvements giving us better insights of life and friendship.

I have parted from some relationships and I feel generally more upbeat than before. I am not as angry as I once was. A huge landmark of healing process is not wanting to go back there by recognizing incompatibility and reflection on why the relationship failed. With time, I have understood that friendship is about genuinely loving someone and not circumstances encircling our lives. And came a point where my oldest friendship bubble burst. But by saying no to relationships that didn’t serve me, I made room for relationships that do.

Happiness is a state of being. In the end, it’s all ok. It is no longer about favors, dance or joy as I begin to cultivate inner peace. I have let go of people who couldn’t appreciate me, and I’m okay not talking to them or not having them around anymore. I have trained myself to let go of things that no longer matter, and created a significant space for things that matter.


Live in truth,

Nilanjana

Monday, October 24, 2016

Down the memory lane…

Down the memory lane I have had beautiful friends around me who were solely responsible for the eidetic memory I have. The memories have been shedding gladness over the past.  I thought I would recollect my beautiful memories during my school days so that people can match it with all those you had in your lives.

This brought to mind an aspect of culture which I’ve experienced in Haflong. The culture brought about by rivalry.

I think it is safe to say that most schools have a rival. A school that is similar in terms of sports teams, or reach for the top competitors, or school size, or even just geographic area. Any time the rival schools compete, students come out in droves, dressed in uniform chanting school cheers. It brought the school together, with everyone hoping for the same outcome.

I grew up with this. The cheers still come to me readily 16 years after I passed out from St Agnes’. I remember full-school spirit days, travelling to rival schools or Cultural Institute Hall for contests or simply as part of a cheer squad to support St Agnes’. Every teacher and student got geared up for these meetings and made up part of who were we.

Why was our school better than our rival? It wasn't, necessarily, but we found reasons to be the better school, and we rallied around those reasons. There are only five schools in the league . Don Bosco High School, Govt Girls’ High School, CHT Synod, Govt Boys’ High School. Geographically, the nearest rival school was about 10 minutes .The next closest school, Govt Girls High School was about 20 minutes away, and the next one CHT Synod another 20 minutes, and Govt Boys High School about 30 minutes. We all had school spirit. And don’t get me wrong, we never lacked those regular interactions with a similar school to really get that rivalry going. We had created a good old-fashioned rivalry (and a healthy one, at that).  We were encouraged to foster friendly competition; with a hint of "can't wait until we face off against you again"

I realize that this isn't the only thing necessary to bring an entire school together in an over-arching demonstration of its culture. On Republic Day or Independence Day we would throng in the Roman Field and just glare at Don Bosco boys for no reason at all. The boys amused themselves by waiting for the girls to come out of the school wearing their 4 inches below the knee blue skirt and giggling. And of course, they loved whistling at us. It was just a boy thing I guess. And the girls felt good about themselves. St Agnes’ girls were prettier and daintier than the girls of Govt Girls High School or CHT Synod. 

The friendship formed during those years lasted until today. And I’m sure many school mates would agree that friendship formed in school is the best kind of friendship we will ever have in life.

We can still joke and nostalgically reminisce over high school sports tournament, inter school competitions, friends, secret slam book, making notes at Miss Bonner’s tuitions, and an overall celebration for the school years. I couldn't have imagined a more perfect school experience than at Haflong. And to show how much our little town understands and appreciates tradition and values.


Sunday, September 4, 2016

Hello darling...

What we have, we don't want. What we want, we don't know. In the search for what we want we begin a journey....a journey of experiments with self and with people that come along. It almost becomes a cycle of hope and disappointments, till we accept this as a part of life. Then nothing matters but the journey, and the realization that you got to walk alone...make companions as we cross roads on the way....walk together, share laughter, till roads become different again. Some walk small, some walk long...in the end everything ends.

Fun is not in length, but in depth. But in search of length we forget to enjoy the depth.

Monday, August 29, 2016

We have the right to choose to make it the best thing that's happened to us or the worst. The ending of any relationship, is the opportunity for us to take back the power and energy and effort we gave others to make us happy.

Choose to be vulnerable because it's ok and it's a part of who we are.

We can't forgive others because we can forgive ourselves first.


Friday, April 8, 2016

An Impromptu Trip

I was exhausted. Emotions had built up in the last few months. As more and more time passed, I had less and less idea of where I was standing. But I was 90% certain that that I could stand on my own two feet, and stop relying on someone else for my happiness.
So, I packed my bag and headed to Goa to experience the new way of being that I hadn’t felt in some time. I saw the boats, wild flowers, puppies, a cat, got soaked in ocean, walked along the shore leaving footprints on sandy trails, watched orange sunset and lay on the beach bed in the night counting my blessings and embracing life and heartbreak. It is through our lowest points in life, where we gain wisdom. Without loss, we wouldn’t appreciate what we have, without grief we wouldn’t appreciate love.
I was so immersed in my surroundings. The time spent alone forced me to reflect on my life, my recent experiences and the direction things are headed. Some of the thoughts weren’t pleasant, but I’m stronger because of them. The distance made me appreciate people in my life, it was self-revealing and exhilarating. That being said, love always finds us, not when we are looking for it, but when we truly need it. 

Snapshots-


Sunday, November 29, 2015

Lately I've been going on long walks. It's so magical. Walking has become my connection with the universe. I feel energized, inspired, relaxed and at peace.

It's like stepping and surrendering to the universe to allow things to unfold as they will. I needed that approach after my last unrewarding stint at CoCubes where I was guilty of spending too much time focusing on building a successful business trying to reach a type of success just for the sake of reaching it. But here's a shift in energy, because I am stepping up in a bigger way. Am I willing to do what it takes to make the difference? Am I ready to play the game for real? Well, I'm learning to say yes and no appropriately.

That means things need to get a little messy and unsteady first. That some things need to fall apart and burn to the ground to make space for what's next. And I'm willing, wholeheartedly committed, to walk through whatever is asked of me next.

Lovingly Yours,
Nilanjana

Monday, July 13, 2015

Happy Monsoon....

With monsoon arrival I saw the world and the people around rushing, pushing, driving, forcing itself to a destination and in the middle of all these I remained at peace through all the complexities and the compulsive need to move. My little Zeddie boy couldn't be any happier than to play in splashing water. We spent the Saturday afternoon feeling rain and chasing ball in the rain being perfectly content with our life. If there is anything I have learnt, it is to embrace the many gifts of nature- the ocean and it's glorious waves, the sound of rain, the wind blowing through our hair, the feeling of grass on our feet and to walk away with all beautiful stolen moments that belong to us and only us. And learning to be at peace, while surrounded by chaos.

Happiness is a way of life!


So many years have passed since I started this blog and in that time I have matured and encountered so many more life experiences. I am f...