I wrote something here, then ctrl A...Delete.
I'm alone.This is probably one of the loneliest nights I've ever had.I was to cry and feel pathetic,like genuinely pathetic....I don't want to type....I want to TALK to someone who loves me...but I don't know who loves me and who loves me not.I want to shout...but I can't. I have no tears to shed....I don't know why why!
The harder life hits...the stronger I will be.
I just want to live and be happy.Am I asking for too much ?
Saturday, February 6, 2010
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There's been a lot going on recently.Mohua's wedding...process simulation...new PMI grid...long meetings...even longer list of actions...etc etc..EXHAUSTING!
A message beeped on my phone wishing me Happy Bushu, that's when I was reminded that January is almost over.It is sometimes so hard to remind ourselves what is important in our lives.A scene from the wedding seemed like time flashback...my old friends from school...and above all...Miss Bonner! God, she still gives that deadly looks that makes my heart beat faster than normal.She expressed that she was happy to see us settled and do well in life.I smirked...I'm not even close to where I want to be but I had a great time, unexpected....!It was a gorgeous wedding and I think I looked somewhat fashion deprived because of my crocheted sweater on top of a saree.But I couldn't have risked my health for the sake of glamor.I was too lazy to even bond my hair.That's what winter does to me...lazy & unmotivated to do anything. Hmph !
I am able to write all of these today because I survived an accident yesterday on my way back from work.The driver was sleepy and the car crashed at the divider in MG road.I had never been in an accident before.I realized yesterday that when you are actually in THAT situation, there's not even time to think WTF ! and before anything all u hear is SCREEEACHH.......VROOOM....BANG! Then you know it was an accident..OMG, accident!Are we okay ?Well, I was.Karan got hurt in the head but the seat belt saved him.Or maybe God.Who knows.Freaking !
Talking about life,I intend to live my life as much as possible and make every second I’m alive happy and memorable. I enjoy being around friends and family the most. They have all molded me into the person that I am today; without them I would be nothing but a body without a soul.
That’s about it really. I don't think I want to write about the nasty argument between me and a close associate ( don't wanna name him/her here ) that started out of Facebook update related with political bitching which had no proof of certainty.All I can say is I fail to understand why people whine about India when it's such a lovely country and given you so much.Let's just be thankful we are free and independent...like Tagore said..."Where the mind is without fear, and the head is held high".
I'm goin' overboard again.Will come back later.
God knows when. =)
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
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Another new year is creeping up and I am sick of feeling like I have not reached enough milestones to really celebrate it. I keep thinking that the life I am creating for myself isn't enough. Is time running out?
I've been told I startle the people I meet and then they give me a quizzicle look at first.Then something magical happens, a little pep in the step, a little glide in the stride....and BOOM! inside I feel a stab of guilt thinking, Jeez,I only gave him the usual whisper.
Why should I always be careful? Even I feel the need to smile.
WTF! WTF!WTF!
I used to take pride in the thought that I may be the last true romantic, and i'm in a WTF moment right now.So, the adventure has brought me to the strangest of situations....What the hell was I thinking?I probably wasn't,i'm sure.No surprise.Feeling would be the appropriate word there I guess.
I need to grow up urgently.Perhaps if I give it time,I finally will someday.But how much time?And then again, perhaps I am not looking for that.It's not always easy living a life constantly tossed beween desire, longing,love, trust.All of these seem to encompass what life is all about in a very crude way.
Well, for now I just want to stop seeing paradise from other's eye.
Maybe I should stop analogy now.I know I'm not making sense.
But who cares? This blog is for me.
I'm tired of people assuming relationships in my life.I have a big problem! Now the only thing I can deduct from this is that I must be very popular or something.They keep asking me about the guys,"Oh, and what about him? You guys would make a great couple." I can't believe people actually call me up to find out if I'm dating anybody.Oh yes, my dear people, oh yes! Dating and marriage [for me], it is inevitable! It is coming...soon or not, God knows!I'm so tired of people assuming things about people and relationships in my life. I give a firm nod and smile to those who have the guts to ask me if I like someone. Please talk to me rather than talking about me.I DESPISE MATCHMAKNG. Sure it's cute to see couples hook up and fun to get involved, BUT I'm totally not goin' to screw up my life.
Fuck off!
I am tired and it is late, but it seems this is when my blogging takes place.
It's amazing how quickly time flies.Although the last couple of months have been somewhat discouraging and heartbreaking professionally, they have also served as a season of change, hope, and renewal. The time that I spent purging what needed to be released from my non rewarding life.It’s as if the old had passed and the new will come.When decisions that alter the course of your regular life have to be made, damn it causes such a rift in your soul.
My life has obviously not been very regular lately though I have enjoyed some extra rest.And I realise it will not last too long and will wish for days like this shortly after I start a job again.And I'm half happy and half sad about the coming of festivals.
As a child,I was certain that every year Goddess Durga visited the earth this season.It's crazy how beliefs change with time.Although I must say, I am of the belief that God is just and excuse for people to boost their faith and keep going.I used to love September for it's mystical style of festival frolic until it decided to spook me with the ugliness of death,loss, pain and separation.I still can't believe Rohan is dead.I still don't know how dad's face must have looked when he shut his eyes permanently.I will never be able to enjoy Diwali in my life again.It will always remind me of how death shut all the lights in our house and left grief.Glimpse of ugliness in my early adulthood.STOP!
Anyway,I was at Barista after so many days today with Abha and Sudeep...sharing life.I want to be there for friends although I seem to have no control over my expression...some things just come out like WORD VOMIT.Love sucks!Doubly so when carrying others' burden.I am glad that I'm seen as a "friend". But at the same time I feel so removed; I'm not sure how to get close so that I can make a difference.
Does everything in life require analyzing, balance, and best effort??
I guess I need to calm down. lol.
Oh, how I love the smell of coffee.
THE END.
Life is not always HaHaHeeHee! I was sick and I am sick of being sick.My fragile body picked up cold and fever in the rain and the next few days was awful.I had lost my appetite,could not take anything beyond three bites, my taste bud wasn't functional and I suffered nausea.I mostly stayed curled up in bed.I think my recurring illness is tied in with lack of sunlight.Such poor sick record.I feel like death.I'm only 27.
I'm tired.I can't type.Pathetic entry I know.
I'll come back later. :)
It's funny how life works.I've spent the past few months trying to deal with the past year, trying to understand.Well, without even realizing it, I get kicked in the butt and project me to a new direction.I do not desire anything today.
My last night in JNU campus spent in the company of four wonderful friends. Momos, laughs ,paranthas, tea ,joy, curiosity.Funny how things come together in life,opposites mix and somehow life goes on.Dreams put into words,hope against all odds.It was one of the most beautiful nights in many years,the kind that will last forever.Things just kicked in.The sky was open and the moon charming as ever. Cheesy right ? I could feel the smell of fresh grass on my feet.I have missed it's smell and the wide sky which seemed like it was closer than it's ever been and above all my friends...ever so human,their humble smile and that cheer that drips from their soul , in a peculiar tangible aura.I call that peace and LIFE.Years have passed by now ,years that I somehow failed to notice.It seemed like the place had made an appearance of it own away from a far away world.JNU radiates with warm smiles and laughter,humble, beautiful,human.Students dressed in all colors of the world busting with energy.
I discovered yesterday how much I missed the world.The illusion of the absence of God and love forgotten.
Enough said for now.Will come back later. :)
Here I go again. I know I know I have been slacking in this blogspot area and simply not posting any insightful and meaningful blogs.I'm a little paranoid about this blog going up in my Great Driving Challenge Application link cause that somehow feels like intrusion of my little bitching space.But this whole Driving madness had been keeping me busy and thanks to the voting requirements, I at least reached up to people who I had been ignoring for years. It's great. I don't know if I will make it to the top of the contest but my participation does make me feel like a non lazy and non frumping lady in her young twenties. Heh !
I really wish I could say I am totally overwhelmed with life and that I have so much on my plate that I have shut down mentally.But honestly , life's easy right now.It took me a lot of courage to give up four and half years of my committment to work.Life had been a rat race and I want slow down a bit...relax and reboot MYSELF.It's not always easy sprinting around knowingly.Maybe this whole decision was my attempt to reward myself for all the crap that I have gone through or maybe it is just I have finally become "settled".My association with Wipro was like social suicide and I hope after this I can enjoy the good things in life more efficiently.
And this Great Driving Challenge could be my first attempt of reebooting after all that rigorous clicks and beeps at my workplace.It's gonna be so much fun driving to new places , capturing moments and slowing down a bit to indulge in the best things of life.I do not have enough votes though to confidently look forward. But HOPE is the key right ? :)
So , check out for this space in a couple of days. Will update what's goin' on.
Hi I am inviting you to become a fan on the application page and cast your vote in support. You can visit my application page by clicking on this link here. Cast your vote and also become a fan. http://gotaf.socialtwist.com/redirect?l=681833584257689126421 Organizers Mitsubishi Cedia Sports The Great Driving Challenge Powered by Zigwheels. PS. If you have any problems casting your vote or signing up as a fan, just drop us an email to gdsupport@greatdrivingchallenge.com
N.C. Hills has launched a strategy relying on fear mongering ,ethnic division and hate.The result is people saying - "Kill him"," terrorist","traitor" ! and more at rallies, with the government playing dumb in response.It's outrageous. and it must stop.
We have failed to show that together Indians of all tribes are standing for this.As we stand into the nitty gritty and ugly days of ethnic clash in the North Cachar Hills district ,it is frightening for every child of our land to see how the wisps of barbaric killing has affected life.N.C. Hills four decades ago was a place which everyone had loved to see but now we hedge on going there for the fear of losing our own life.I have concerns for the safety of my loved ones back home in the hills.
Going to the deepest core of the haven of our childhood shelter, I am hearing things that make my heart ache as a Dimasa.Things that bring out my own fear for my family as someone which is far from lily white.It upsets me that so many people have no job , cannot afford food ,have lost their children to a needless conflict , can't afford healthcare , can't pay for education, have lost their home...all in order to say - This land belongs to "ME".
The fanatic patriots of our own land have instilled fear in crowds.You are not only spreading what you know is right ( which is actually wrong); you are choosing hatred to win unjustly and is therefore not running in integrity.The mothers , fathers and all widows need to take great care in realising just what it is you are sewing the seeds of in our own land- nothing but terror , fear and loss.I want to ask the fanatics-Do you really know what it is you sew ? Do you consider in quiet times of yourself when you are deep in thoughts what it is yo are sewing , just how much of this fight is humanity vs brotherhood?
My family on all sides has worked for every person in the neighborhood to be treated fairly.Let's not go back 40 years.Do not take away our dreams and the dreams of our children simply due to the difference in mother tongue or that we do not believe in the same kind of God.
And , here's for the elite government- Shame on you ! Shame on you! My daily hope is now that we can look to our future as one people, and will choose a leader who sees us as ONE people......NOT as Baruahs,Thaosens,Raltes,Sharmas.We are a diverse culture and need to be respected and honoured as such in order to get the best from each and every last one of us.Respecting and honouring all of us, leaving none of us out or behind.
That's all I can ask for.Peace !
Sunday, May 31, 2009
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Eiding naure pung nau ray (2)
Maya ra, maya ra , saklong pubi Mayara
- Anthem of Ulubari
Long time ! I don't want my blog to die the slow lingering death of not being kept up.I can say I've been busy with work.That's true.I've been so exhausted by the end of the day that my fingers would not type in complete sentences.That's true too.What adjustments we are making in this failing economy.Change is never easy.Things do get worse before thay get better.Like Little Bailey in the Traveling Sisterhood movie says , it's all about stringing all the things together and making those count more than the bad ones.And finally , getting through it. That's all we can ask for.
Deeper though, I've just not been feeling like sharing my life much. I never started this blog to get comments or links or hits. I have not added advertisements or causes. I don't even have a central theme or cause as a focus.I need some time to rethink this blog and what it means to me, what is does for me.
I quit coffee. Doctor says if I continue caffeine and nicotine intake my style,I'd die young.My pulse rate was so high that my blood had trouble finding way to my brain.I didn't know I was anemic.My thyroid number was so bad.Only my liver and kidney function was good.Haha !But I was happy to be told that I'm not in my worst situation yet.Just have to take care of myself.I am quite functional.I'm not irritable, or weepy, or short temptered these days(at least I don't think I am! ;-)). I sleep well and wake up well... I just get tired.
I didn't mean to write about the tangles of pain and my illness and addiction combined with extreme work race or my broken heart debilitating me or about my life which seem to have blown away in the wind after my father died, and my attempt to come back.It's a pathetic case of blogger identity crisis.I write so naked that I sometimes feel somewhat inhibited.
Well, I had time to scribble all this out because my body is in a state of confusion after my transition to Eastern Time from Indian after all that rigorous training at Verizon.And now ,they have finally assigned me a wonderful team.In my previous Geek Squad I was so used to working/teaming up with ugly nerds that I feel quite enchanted here in my VOL.
Uh-oh.. I think I hear the kabari man, better make sure I shut down before he terrifies me with his voice skills.
Juthai drom the Dimajik !
It is odd how smelling certain things can invoke particular thoughts, emotions, and memories. While at times it is positive, these thoughts can be very unexpected and somewhat unwanted. Needless to say, I cannot imagine where some things originate! Since they appear, the desire to solve them arises, but not knowing where they are from and why they come makes it difficult.I assume that EVERYTHING happens because God purposely caused it and he is still testing to see how miserable HE can make me.
And that marks the end of my terrible weekend.I was so stuck.But I don't wanna be mad...I wanna get laid :|
So, I feel inspired–inspired to blog about how I am inspired about nothing.
You see, I go to write some amazing in my post and then I sit down and BAM!
My brain goes to fuzz and all my inspiration flies out the window.
I made it home yesterday exhausted physically and mentally/emotionally.I crashed into my bed and was so shocked to wake up 10 hours later when there was merely 1 hour left of Saturday.And then I cooked meal with Mini and argued with somebody online for being so pathetically self absorbed and the next thing I realised is that I slept yet again with my lights and computer turned on.That makes a total of 17 hours sleep per day.
I knew I was tired but I didn't know I was THAT tired.LOL !Life's just insanely odd sometimes.
Mini has been busy packing.And the more I see her , the more mushy I feel.We are left with less than 24 hours before she takes her flight.And I've had these kinda fragile feelings before when I was in college hostel.Off late I've been more consciously thankful for my friends.I have some wonderful ones and maybe the best! Laughing , crying,talking,smiling, sharing, being extremely retarded, goin' odd places at odd hours of the day.I want to thank all my friends for sharing my life.
That reminds me I have to share my time with Aasif ,Vikas, Raj and Mini today in bits.Though it's kinda painful when you have to plan your day in slots it's a great feeling when people want to spend their time with you.
Jeez ! I don't want my blog to sound like a minute to minute commentary of everyday but since I have already typed them and I'm too lazy to use the backspace I might as well share the blah with the world.LOL ! do enjoy and leave me comments if you are reading this.
This is an important blog.YES ! And I will spare the reasons and excuses for not updating my blog.I am no more the old NT that I used to be.Actually I am suffering from a serious case of expression blockade.There is sufficient amount of thoughts, events and feelings to discuss,but I can't seem to form them into a coherent post.Actually, Madd dutifully reminded me that I haven't been posting anything here.I love his blog.Though I don't see much happening there either.
The past week was much blogging moment but right now my mind is turning to mash to enter the details.It seems as if I have been hit from every side so far this year and to be honest it is difficult.I am unable to deal with night shifts and cannot stay up past midnight,even those coffees aren't helping.Actually, I don't even crave for coffee and cigarette anymore and even if I try them for the heck of it....I don't really enjoy the taste like I did before.It's driving me crazy.I am trying to be in control of my circumstances.Sometimes it feels like I am in the bottom of a barrell and looking up hoping that dad will reach down to pull me up.Saturday is Rest Day from the grinding and tedious schedules that I am forced to keep.
My life is currently full of work and friends.Work.Really isn't so hard.I love the Verizon team and I hope this quarter is light.Lots has happened and I even have the pictures of Sudeep's birthday,Poets Day and all.I've been dangling in the church with Abha and met my SD friends;and jamming with Marc etc.Mini is moving back home.She's been my friend since I can recall time.And it's strange I talk more about Abha and other friends instead of Pinky or Mini or Kimshain.
Just to let you know I consider you one of my closest friends. You were there for me when I needed you and in return I was there when you needed me. I will miss talking to you, eating with you, cooking together, and our random town gossips . I especially will miss you as my room mate ;)I know that change takes place in everyone's life and although I do not like it, I am learning to adjust. I know that there were times that I never told you how much I cherished our friendship but I truly do. I know that we will still see each other and do things together but for now I will miss you my sister.
So I have a goal that I'm trying to reach. The goal might be stretching myself, but I'm determined to get it done. Now lets just see if I do. Recently I've been reminding myself that I CAN do it.Also spring is here.I love spring for all the brightness and sun it brings.The only thing I will miss is not having dad in my proximity to wish him another year.
I guess that's all for now.And pardon me for saying in the beginning that this was goin' to be an important blog.Actually, I still suck in many areas.
Year 2009 is upon us and it's now time to get more busy.I want to just live.Time is always on my mind and I do realise that it's not good to not do anything for too long. So I've decided that I will stay with Wipro and renew my Techie skills.I cannot risk my profile while I see so many ass on fire all over the world.So that is good.On the down side I'll have to part with my old team and train for a US based ISP which isn't so exciting.I'm hoping a lot, that this quarter will bring a fresh change of not being so weigh'd down maybe my IJP fulfilled.
I intend to spend more time troubleshooting because when I look at myself it is still me.I am not great.And no matter how many quarters pass by and how many great appraisals happen it is just underwhelming.At AOL perhaps I grew chilled and relaxed.Maybe Verizon could be my radical change.I don't now how things will turn out but being the crazy me, m expecting stress too.
I've worked with some really talented people in L2.I will miss teaming up with them and working all night for resolutions, rep SAT and data.
I guess that's all for now.In this world where there are only a couple of things that you could call your own and you can be really sure of...just parting with your regular associates can be annoying...even if they are just one floor apart.
Out for now.
OMG ! February is almost here...which means VALENTINES DAY.Aaargghh !No actually,this Valentines there will be no whining and crying over being dateless.(like it ever happens :P)I will just grab my friends , click glasses , pour some alcohol and party like there's no tomorrow.Who cares if you are single ? You are all the lover you need. Eh?
Relationsip levels are anyway getting more and more complicated in today's weird world.People talk about no strings,covenience relationships :O WTF !And the cost of actual dating is sky rocketing too and if you ask me love and relationship is the most stressful things in life.SERIOUSLY !
We say it is already too bad that we click the SINGLE option while creating an online profile in Facebook or Orkut.LOL! But frankly speaking to be faced with the reality of not being single outside the confinement of cyberspace is a bit too much to handle.Thank God we are all singletons in our immediate friend circle.Afterall we have all had our share of stress and trouble and the highs and lows that love brought us.DUH!But inspite all that we all feel the crunch in February and want a dose of it, isn't it ?
Okay, we are all mature and cool enough to know a couple of things to do to distract ourselves on that fateful day.And we do know that it's about celebrating love.Your love for friends, your pets , yourself, your boyfriends , girlfriends.ANYTHING ! No discrimination.Just party like a rockstar , drink like a fish...or just spend time with your beloved friends in your favorite hangout and order special coffee.Live the life you love....
But no matter how much I grasp the idea that I don't have to be in a relationship to enjoy Valentine's Day; there will always be that moment off that (awful) 24 hrs when I'll wallow in self pity.I HATE YOU SAM !
OMG!CONTRADICTIONS.
This is true Denial stage.I better shut this computer now or my mind will Peter out.
*Yawns*
Wow...another post from me. And so soon too! Well, I just had to say that I can finally figure out how Torrent works and I've been downloading movies daily.Little refreshment.I don't mind being home so much.Mini and I have a nice time cooking.
"Mean Girls" was good film, I would give it 9 outta 10. Worth a bitch.But "John Tucker must die" was a waste of time.I found it funny in parts but mostly boring and would only rate it as ok, 5 outta 10.The story was a touch unbelievable as well.I'm also hoping to go see the movie "The sisterhoof of the travelling pants" and "Ten things I hate about you."and will report back on how good the film is when i have.Sutterth, my randomn orkut pal helps me with the download.I just have to name the movie and it's there.Isn't that awesome ?
Sometimes I go way overboard. But then I guess it's because I've been off work and I'm up and down due to the weather outside, feels like things are just changing so much.Happiness is a state of mind though and so I guess i need to go cheer myself up with some comedy.
Silly me!!I will blog again in the near future...
Check this out.It's from Sutterth again :)
Time passes by so fast at the moment for me, I blink and it's Saturday night then blink again and its Tuesday morning. Keeping up with everything when i feel like I'm in slow motion is so hard. I'm trying to be happy but it's been hard and little things like PMS are getting to me.
I want to boot.I've watched films in this time home- Zee TV, HBO,SET MAX (lol) and the one to see for the Indian feel is Main meri patni aur Woh.I didn't know Rajpal Yadav was that great an actor till I saw him here.
I have finally started writing for YouthPad on Ankit's request.At least I am selling something of my work.So I don't mind but off late my thoughts and expressions have been blocked.I've had no imagination or inspiration for making anything and that is soooooooooo unlike me! Also I can't see the point of carrying on with the blogging and the website at the moment as nobody is replying to anything I write. I feel like all the effort I've put into my creations is a waste of time and that nobody appreciates what i do!
GRRRRRRRR !
Valentines day is oooh so close approaching.Ohh NOOOO !
Anyway that's enough waffle for today.
I know it's been a bit since I've attempted to blog. I was sweetly reminded by Sudeep that I needed to get with the program. So here I am.
I've had a few changes take place in my life recently.On 29th October my dad passed away.It was anticipated for some time, but it was still hard.I was not with him the day he passed.I remember in September as he lay slowly dying for all those months, I had numerous opportunities to talk with him.I could hardly see for the tears in my eyes as we parted in Guwahati for the last time. (Actually, I'm a little teary right now).I had tried to protect myself from disappointment and disillusionment by keeping my hopes/expectations low. To trust God with abandon was frightening...life...but I am still praying for specific guidance in the coming years.And there is not a single day when I don't remember dad.I miss him so much.How empty our house seem without him.Everytime we came into the house we expected to see him and I cried until I thought I would fall sick.Such is life u see.Hmmm!
I will keep this short, as it's late AGAIN!!!! I don't know why I am staying up late when I have to get up at early to meet Aasif in the morning tomorrow! Dumb!!!!Otherwise, I can really ramble online and am VERY easily distracted.I want to have peace in my heart, knowing that I'm doing what God wants for this season of my life. Who knows what tomorrow will hold, but for right now, I'm right where He wants me. That is an awesome feeling, believe me!
And God that is SARCASM for you if you get it.
This began two years back when I joined this unexplained charge for computer time.I was surely not up to no good idea bout it's feature.Soon I discovered surprises, friends and made conversation with people, rigging up a series of posts and discussions that left me bemused.I have been regular ever since.
Orkut interests me just as much as school did.We call it Franshipping - sitting in the glow of my monitor, talking to people, networking out to far flung.The mutual addiction is Orkut.Sometimes in the middle of the night it seems only minutes have passed.This Universe of Light and Shadow , where we come to outwit the high and mighty is now our reality.
Here it goes ! The promised blog we were waiting for.It's so exciting you'll need nerve pill.
What do you do when you have a terrible day at work and can't stand the MOFO Boss.You come back home...open blogspot and and post a terrible entry so that everyone knows your Cinderella story.All day I was dying to mutter the following.
1) The alarm didn't go off -- again.
2)Yeah, whatever. Caffeine and Nicotine is my personal choice and you just SHUT UP !
3)It wasn't my fault. You ASSHOLE !
4)Your LinkedIn is a soxxxx.Orkut is a Roxxx. Yeah !
5)That's not part of my job description :X
6)Isn't it time I had a pay rise? :)
7)I'm planning my wedding and too busy to take on any more work right now
;-)
8)Your breath smells/Your shirt is disgusting/Is that a photo of your wife or mother?
9)I'm leaving because I can't stand working for you.
GOODNIGHT !
Wow! The month of September just flew right by and I only got 3 posts in for the entire month!Well, it's been a few days since I posted, so thought I'd better get with it.Sometimes it just seems like I don't have a lot to say...I know I can hold up my end of most conversations. That is besides the point.Somebody busted my blog yesterday and if there is anybody following it,I just don't know how exciting my life is to read about, and I don't want to bore anyone. On the other hand, if you're bored, don't bother visiting my blogspot again :p And if you've been tricked to clicking the mouse on my link lemme tell you the later it gets the more amusing I become ;)
Every night there is melodrama.I see people putting up character descriptions and headshots becoming a hero and champion.But here I’m making the commitment to stay detached with all the manifestations.The Pujas are just over and as predicted I was working which provokes me to think that just when it feels that things have gone up in smoke, I'm usually going to end up looking like an idiot who wasted TONS of time over a job.How quickly I get attached to certain outcomes when things go well with boss at work.I will admit that off late my work place has been a happy feel good place and on the personal front I see the laughter of friendship unfolding around me.Visited SDA with pals and we caught up on each other's lives, and a good deal of bitching.So that was nice, and I really didn't mind some beer in the weekend( even though smoking is prohibited)I'm a person that needs something to look forward to every weekend after my ultra busy and weird weekdays shift.
Hopefully, it will satisfy the blogging expectations of my friends. And I promise to post an absolutely mind-boggling post at a near date. You will be so amazed at my exciting life......lolz.
I don't take myself so personally but for the first time somebody wrote a poem for me.And its none but my dearest beast Rahul.The key is to cherish my good friends while remembering it’s my vibration that will maintain the good things.The poem was sent on orkut testimonial and I am quite happy to flaunt it there.Here it goes ....
sometimes in life u meet a girl
who makes ur world swirl and whirl
who makes you smile in ur greatest despair
and makes u cry if ure a player!
well i met this girl u know
the innonence in her always shows
blue eyed girl,thats wat she is
she brings with her, delight and bliss
she walked all alone, i just saw
she stared blue sky, i just saw
she wanted to cry , i just saw
i din do anythin bout it, i just saw
in the limelight she always remains
hiding with her smile, her immense pains
she works all nyt, makes the ends meet
she is stil quite as a blank sheet
the best friend u can ever find
caring,touchin, adoring, kind
yet the one who shows u the path
this is the least, its not the last
love from all of us
Thanks Rahul !
Love ya for this :)
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
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My blog still exist.
I am learning a lot of stuff. Who knew there were so many useful unused functions in Word?Flop Wiproite techie that I am I wasn't aware that you could lock word files till TS passed his stuff to me.I thought it was just about yaada- yaada type-toop diction.
And, yah, I might partly be careful here because I do see quite a number of visitors even when I didn't place any ad.
Anyway, if I may get a little political… I am getting seriously scared of our incompetent government.Our council executives have failed to restore autonomy in the hills.Anything is better than these men who have lost everything to money.If I ever see any of these men in future,there will be no handshake.....just platinum heels and a middle finger.This system is thankfully not shared in Wipro, so I’m at least in good company.Stories like this reflect my concern for the situation, and also the need to step in for my people back home.But I just want to laugh at the most serious things - otherwise I can’t live.Legacy fucked.
(I needed that - joking about serious matters is the only way to live normally).
So I still pounced my favorite coffee at Barista even when there was news of five bomb blasts in the city.Those personally affected by these blasts are there in my prayers.And to the friggin' terrorist , take this for now _|_
My eyes are shutting.....snoooozzzzz
Being with family is definitely nice just that it doesn't feel like home here in Ghy.Haflong is where the heart is but then life is all about adjustments right.Here in Ulubari a lot of things have changed except for few like the view from our terrace, the smell of Ghy and the sound of ISKCON.It's my third day here and I haven't had the time to visit ashram or catch up with friends who've been waiting desperately for me.I need time to accept the fact that Ghy is pathetically crowded by stereotypes and small cars.Dad is getting better each day which means there will be lots of tantrums and vague demands from him soon.
Chatting with mom is like the most harassing time.Al rite 40 percent of the people I know are getting hitched and it doesn't come as a surprise in society where girls wed between 21 and 25 but what about us..fun , fearless women who find men silly.Mom's conventional wisdom suggest that as you grow older, you are also more prone to being firm and set in our own ways to let in another person in our space.Yah yah....one last affair was a disaster and 'm talking bout marriages here.I would rather wait than compromise on the quality of my partner just to get married at the so- called right age.I want to experience life by oneself before stepping into such institution.And I want mom to realize that it will affect not just me , but the man and our families as well.
In the meantime , all I have to say is that I my dream man should be debonair and wise with looks to spare.Is that too much to ask for a millionaire ?
Sunday, August 31, 2008
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Daddy ! I'm coming.Because I love you and mom lots.I will run to the chemist shop and get medicine for you.I will make soup for you and nurse you like an angel.I will sit with you all day and talk to you so that you don't get bored.When you are tired listening to me , I will play your favorite song and let you sleep.And while you are resting ,I will quickly go to the temple and pray to God so tat you get well soon.
Your loving daughter,
Junjuna
Nilanjana Thaosen is now a Gold member of the King Club !
makes me go colon O ; lol
Monday, August 25, 2008
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We’re creeping up on September already. Can't believe it? To me, this used to means so many things. The coming of Autumn with its changing leaves, the Durga Puja , Diwali (okay, not so happening here in Delhi, but still...) The holiday countdown –you know, shopping and crafting days (OMG how many people stimulated reading that? I did writing it, LOL). The list could keep going, of course.
But for me, September always means shopping and family. It’s a shift from focus and learning to fun and frolics. I love this time of year. I love shopping for the festivals, the exciting new possibilities the year brings, and, well, slowing down to think.
But that was all years ago.Time flies...nothing such happens anymore. September perhaps will be just a September and I will probably end up working on Durga Puja if I'm in Delhi not even realising the visit of mighty Goddess.. And if by chance I'm in Assam I have no clue how it'll be. I don't even want to think bout it.And oddly enough, that's me and my solid time management.Rohan died a year ago in September.
The last few weeks have just flown by.Things have been nuts to say the least. I got big time into pwning.Hellish month.Also knowing that dad will be hospitalised is a stress that I must deal with.
Add to that my laptop issues keep going on and its not been a great couple weeks around here.Yeah ! Yeah ! I've been in a bad mood for months now.I swear its lucky I haven't gone either grey or bald between all this.
And yes..I don't know if I can say it ever anywhere else....I love my dad the most.
Do I think for myself ?Am I a rugged individualist?
OK here's one question.
Do you have the same religious beliefs as your parents?Or the same ones as your romantic partner or social group? I answer "maybe" and I don't think I have done an in-depth objective analysis.So here I am with my point.
Religion is a personal matter. And what one believe does not mean another does. So leave your views out of my place. And out of politics. Politicians should be open to the views of all, not just one group. They are supposed to represent the nation. Not just whichever religious group bitches the most or takes majority space.
If people are asked what music, movies, etc they like, what comes out of their mouth is whatever is currently popular in general...PINK FLOYD , NIRVANA blah blah .
Why do people tend to like what other people like?
To me, the real key thing is connecting the analysis around individuals’ life experiences to the insight that all systems of power are interconnected.Or maybe its just that some individual people experience multiple forms of oppression with all systems so called civilization.But as a Dimajik woman from Assam, I experience sexism on the oppressed side. THANK GOD !
So I have proved my point now ;-)
Ahhhhhh, I love to find out why folks do the silly things they do.
Isn't office furniture great? Especially the chairs with wheels on, such as the one that I am sitting on right now. Very kewl! I don't care what form that life takes, it would just be so cool if in my lifetime life is found outside of Earth.
I am a piss- poor blogger.My laptop sucks.When I started this I had great thoughts to pen down but all my creative thoughts are blocked now.All that my head can hear is the KABAARIII......PAYPERRR.... in their most creative attention grabbing voice howling outside.Not to forget vegetable hawkers who sell bananas.Aarrrrgggh!
This guy who has been miserably trying to hit on me calls me PRINCESS. My foot ! Come and massage my back you asshole.Serve my breakfast and cook my lunch.And wash my clothes while i'm out to work.
I need a new laptop and a house in Gulmohur Park , and 8 MB broadband connection and a router and a boyfriend who is a model by profession.And a boss who doesn't use mobile phone.
Hmmm...Breath innn....Breath outtt... :X
I mean I have just crawled out of that miserable months of solitary confinement, emo-style. OK, if I think back to the first month of this year everything is clear.Between then and now, blur. I have been in the most stressful social situations of my life, dealing with my own hypersensitivity as well as the insensitivity of others; pushing my brain and body to the limit, working on more than twenty hours of TOS deficit; going madly into almost overdrawn accounts.And it's still not OK.Life is a bitch after all.
The high hand of BPO culture has dictated my one-on-one relationship with friends across the south. Dina is pissed at me. I owe a dozen or more people visit. I'm still trying to understand how others tick, how i tick. And this is definitely an awkward space for attempting such feats.
I was at Barista yesterday.And before that Shrek look-alike bastard was outside McD.I just walked away ignoring his attention seeking roaring laughter.There was this interesting couple at Barista.Actually a MORON and a bitch.I first noticed the girl talking about her miseries while her boyfriend lovingly sympathized and held her hand showing some assurance, care , love whatever.Ten minutes later we see that the moron is taking out four debit/credit cards and some cash from his wallet and handing them over to the girl.She is now smiling.And they live happily ever after.
Coming back to myself,I make so few connections with people outside my company.I haven't been on a date for long time now :( though I make it a point to hit Barista or Coffee Day once a week, merely because I love coffee and nothing else :O and the waiter knows me now.He asks how i'm doing and knows my order.Cafe Latte and two sugar.
So thats my Blah for now....Snooze mode !
p.s. I want a chutiya boyfriend too :P
