Blood in my caffeine system....

So its weekend's dizziness time...and my head feels like it's been used on a cheese grater after all that T&D and chatting and Scorpion Holiday and google.Sure....its not infected mushroom.Its overdose of internet I think and Im not tryin' to dramatize....but when my broadband fails to work , I use dial up to stay connected.I am sensing God's ridiculous efforts at refining me which is why this weekend instead of Barista or The Beach ,I was wandering at Spencers.It really makes sense, inspires me to keep moving,instead of loving and crying....just to keep being.I wanted to stop my social running around and take time to engage in pleasant activities around home. Spend time in the kitchen or decorating indoors to take my mind off more complicated issues for a while.We cannot shut off the flow of thoughts, but can shift our attention to more enjoyable pursuits even from home.My heart had been broken, and there is spaces left behind, there's no quick fix for me, not even forward rolling time. Rather than complete it with 'superficial filling', I choose to embrace it this way and walk my path taka style.So,as I returned home...I tried planning my dream madly, with years worth of thoughts and aspirations beginning to flow from me freely.But I still don't know what I am going to do with..1)the yahoo guys and 2) that BIG crafted paint tat i bought recently.I think i'm goin' to take a picture of that and load it here.I decided that the best thing for me to do today was to play some of my favorite songs and relish.So,I downloaded Holiday from Scorpions and played it fifty times.Took me back to those chilly Haflong concerts at CIH lawn.

Let me take you far away
Youd like a holiday
Let me take you far away
Youd like a holiday

Exchange your troubles for some love
Wherever you are
Let me take you far away
Youd like a holiday

Longing for the sun you will come
To the island without name
Longing for the sun be welcome
On the island many miles away from home
Be welcome on the island without name
Longing for the sun you will come
To the island many miles away from home


Its all over my head now.I have been told I am intense. My mind is always going and I am constantly receiving advice to "slow down," "stop running," and "relax." But I love my intensity .I know I am passionate and ridiculously silly at times. Bitching is my talent, and complaining is my hobby. And... I have loved an Asshole... He is my favorite. I've been told I am confident, yet intimidating. I would like to say I love people, but I think I rather choose who I love and who I receive love from. Someday,I would like to look like hindu Goddess idols.Or Ekta Kapoor's fighter aunties.

Oh ya...God has been gracious to have given me the luck to win tat 5 star Holiday in Sri Lanka or Goa.Something that I sort of deserve because nothing exciting has been happening in my life for some time now.I think when you are nice to people, you are rewarded.I remember filling that dumb survey out of pity because the rest of the crowd was too busy and proud to give attention to this chap who approached me with a feigned smile asking for just 2 mins of my time.And I had lots of them.

Dawn breaks...Snooze time now !